Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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