i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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