This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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