I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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