Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
