So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
