Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
