Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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