He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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