omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
