I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I cockslap morals
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
