I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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