he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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