The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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