the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
