I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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