I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
