your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
