Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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