I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
