I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
