my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
