...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
