i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
