The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
