she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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