Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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