I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
