seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
