a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
