We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
