why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
