watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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