You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
