A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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