SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
