She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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