I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
