im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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