If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
