Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
