I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
