i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I did not marry a roomba.
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