I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
