Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
