I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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