When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
