Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
