just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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