I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
