I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
