He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
