Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
