I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
