I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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